Imagined G7 Email Correspondence

So I'm good friends with Edward Snowden. He just found an email exchange responding to Brexit between some of the G7 heads of state.

Cameron: So things didn't go too well here this week. You guys might have to deal with Boris Johnson at the next G7 meeting.

Obama: "Things didn't go too well here." You can say that again, David.

Merkel: This is an absolute disaster for Europe. Can you do something about this?

"Do these look like the hands of a non-chancellor?"

Obama: Who, me?

Merkel: Can't you embrace your imperial position and just punish these guys? Such a stupid decision.

Obama: I would like to, Angie, but there's this thing called international law, and it's pretty ... fragile.

Merkel: You should tell that to the Greeks.

Hollande: Mon dieu. Not funny, Angela.

Abe: It's fragile, huh? Is it as fragile as the Democratic hold on the White House?

Obama: More fragile than that, Shin-shin. Way more fragile than that. ;)

Renzi: I'm worried about our Democratic Party here, guys... Did you see what happened to Rome?

Obama: Oh, I saw. But, the thing is, I've been trying to grant citizenship to more people, but I don't think now's the right time. Nah mean?

Cameron: I saw what you did there, Barry. You're so cool.

Renzi: What? I'm confused.

Obama: Shut up, Cameron. I'm still angry at you.

Abe: You know, Japan is a strategic nation with long term economic stability. Time for a new Special Relationship?

Hollande: He's already got a new Special Relationship. With China! What's up with that, B-dog?

Obama: Don't call me that François. You must not know what the Special Relationship is...

Merkel: Hey this might not be the best time, but how about another military base in Europe? Brexit may make us look weak with the Russians...

Obama: You're all just a bunch of free riders.

Donald Trump wants a referendum on democracy

Donald Trump, Inspired by Brexit, Wants a Referendum on "the Vote thing"

"What's the worst that could happen?"

The well-read, cosmopolitan businessman Donald Trump recently visited his golf courses in Scotland. He also hailed the British vote to leave the European Union, but thinks this is only a stepping stone to a better world. A campaigner for Trump spilled the beans on a desire to hold a referendum on “the vote thing” in our country.

An inside source to the Trump campaign who wants to remain anonymous, confided via email, “This is a helluva tool, man!!! We could use a referendum to put the 1^st amendment to a vote! We need to keep the gays, Muslims, and Mexicans from monopolizing on our freedom! Their [sic] not loyal!” In order to take our democracy back, it seems the Trump campaign wants to use democracy to destroy it. After being informed that the Constitution does not allow for legally binding referendums, the insider gently asked, “Whose side r u on? R u American?!” The exchange did not get much politer.

When a Scottish voter named Ian heard of Trump’s support for Brexit, he pointed out, “We did not join the United Kingdom in a peaceful, democratic manner. It involved conquest and oppression by the feudal elites! Do you guys take history classes in your country?” He had voted to remain in the European Union. He is not a fan of Donald Trump. Now that the UK may leave the EU, Scotland may instigate another referendum like in September 2014 on their UK membership.

One Trump supporter in South Carolina said, “We don’t want just anyone to vote, man.” Questioned whether this was in contradiction with Enlightenment values of the United States, he responded, “No one’s perfect.” Indeed.